Sample Ordination Ceremonies

These are not intended to be definitive examples. Feel free to adapt to meet your needs or develop your own. Further examples are welcome. Please submit through feedback.

Example 1

(courtesy The Right Reverend Marjorie Norris, Bishop of Lee County)

Bishop: Who comes to this esteemed place?

Candidate: I, (name), do

B: For what reason do you come?

C: To become a priest(ess) of the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic.

B: Who is god?

C: I don't know.

B: What is the purpose of religion?

C: I don't care.

B: By the powers granted by the Patriarch of the Church, I hereby ordain you as priest(ess), with all the rights and responsibilities of this worth office. Go forth now into the world, and spread truth, reason and logic.

(Afterwards, a large catered buffet with large amounts of boiled shrimp and a decent dry white wine is appropriate)

Example 2

Bishop:

• Welcome.
• We are gathered to welcome our brother / sister [Name] into the Clergy of the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic.
• Do you [Name] know the Articles of Faith?

Candidate:

• The existence of a Supreme Being is unknown and unknowable.
• If there is a Supreme Being, then that being appears to act as if entirely apathetic to events in our universe.
• We are apathetic to the existence or non-existence of a Supreme Being.

Bishop:

• And why do you seek ordination in the Church?

Candidate:

• I wish to introduce the word of Apathetic Agnosticism to others and welcome them into the Church as Members.

Bishop:

• By the powers vested in me by the Elders of the Apathetic Agnostic Church, I, [Bishop's name], Bishop of [Diocese] hereby ordain you, [ordainee's full name], as a [minister, rabbi, priest, etc.] in the Church.
• Go forth and preach the word of Agnosticism.'